The [I'm not okay, you're okay] Position (Savior)

The "I'm not okay, you're okay" position defines the savior profile, a person who seeks approval from others and becomes extremely complacent in their relationships.

They often idealize their partners, friends or superiors, which makes them incapable of saying "no" and leads them to offer unsolicited help.

At their core, the rescuer feels fundamentally unworthy, so they seek to feel good about themselves by sacrificing their well-being in order to feel useful or appreciated.

The need for approval and self-sacrifice

The rescuer sacrifices in his relationships in an attempt to feel valuable.

He believes he is acting selflessly for the good of others, which gives him a sense of moral superiority.

However, the truth behind this behavior is that they have an unconscious need to be needed and appreciated to compensate for their feelings of worthlessness or inferiority.

This need for recognition is so strong that, if they don't get it, they keep trying again and again, or they begin to feel resentment, but they remain immersed in the same dysfunctional pattern.

The dynamics of codependency

The role of the rescuer fits perfectly into toxic relationship dynamics, such as Karpman's drama triangle, which includes the victim and the persecutor.

The victim, who needs attention and is looking for someone to rescue her, and the persecutor, who needs control and someone to blame, are ideal partners for the rescuer.

The rescuer joins these relationships because he or she needs to feel useful and valued by "fixing" the problems of others, or by being the object of blame that he or she can compensate for with his or her efforts.

The healthy alternative: "I'm okay, you're okay."

The only healthy alternative to these dynamics is the "I'm fine, you're fine" position.

This perspective is based on mutual respect, cooperation, and emotional maturity, where both parties care about each other's well-being without sacrificing their own.

In this position, people can communicate honestly, set clear boundaries and seek support without relinquishing responsibility for their own lives.

Unlike the rescuer, the person in this position does not expect others to make them happy, but rather takes charge of their own happiness and joins with others to create something of mutual value.

Summary

The savior position seeks approval from others and becomes complacent. He feels unworthy and sacrifices himself to be appreciated or feel useful, which makes him unable to say "no."

The rescuer believes he is acting selflessly, which gives him a sense of moral superiority. However, the truth is that he has an unconscious need to be needed to compensate for his feelings of worthlessness.

The rescuer fits perfectly into the dramatic triangle with the victim and the persecutor. The healthy alternative is the "I'm okay, you're okay" position, which is based on mutual respect and emotional maturity.