The Importance of Not Assuming

Assumption is a poison to communication.

It leads us to make up stories and misinterpret each other's intentions, leading to misunderstandings and conflict.

Socrates' three filters model is a valuable tool to avoid falling into this trap.

Before speaking, this model invites us to ask ourselves if what we are going to say is true, if it is good and if it is useful.

If it does not pass through these three filters, it is better to keep quiet and listen.

This practice helps us to be more aware of the quality of our communication and to avoid the habit of speaking without compassion.

Internal monologue and defensive routines

Assumption is closely linked to what psychologists call the internal monologue, which is a dialogue we have with ourselves while conversing with others.

This internal dialogue is often filled with judgments, biases, and assumptions that we do not express, but which influence how we perceive the other.

Nonviolent communication teaches us to be aware of this internal monologue in order to align what we think with what we say, thus avoiding defensive routines.

These routines, defined by psychologist Chris Argyris, are tacit agreements to maintain cordiality in the relationship, even though there is an underlying problem that is not being discussed.

From misunderstanding to rewriting

To avoid misunderstandings, it is crucial to stop assuming and instead ask questions and seek clarification.

The "rainbow column" exercise is a useful tool for practicing this.

In this exercise, we transcribe an actual conversation in which there was a misunderstanding, and rewrite that conversation revealing what was thought, but not said.

By doing this, we become aware of how our assumptions may have influenced the interaction and learn to reveal our thoughts honestly and constructively, without hurting the other person.

The goal is to translate our thoughts into positive language that leads to more effective communication, where the truth is revealed with compassion and without guilt.

Socrates' three filters

The story of Socrates' three filters is a timeless reminder of the importance of prudence in speech.

A disciple approached Socrates to tell him something about a fellow disciple, but Socrates asked him to run what he was going to say through three filters.

The first filter was truth: are you sure that what you are going to say is true.

The second was goodness: is what you are going to say about the person a good thing?

And the third was usefulness: will what you are going to tell me be of any use to you?

When it did not pass through the filters, the conversation stopped, which teaches us that it is better to remain silent than to speak irresponsibly.

Summary

Assumption is a poison for communication that generates misunderstandings and conflicts. Socrates' three filters model is a tool to avoid this trap. Before speaking, ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, good and useful.

Assumption is linked to an "internal monologue" full of judgments and prejudices. To avoid misunderstandings, it is crucial to stop assuming and ask clarifying questions. This helps to reveal our thoughts honestly.

The story of Socrates' three filters teaches us prudence in speech. If what you are going to say does not pass through the filters of truth, goodness and usefulness, it is better to remain silent than to speak irresponsibly.