The Savior Position and Codependency

The "savior" archetype is the third position in Thomas Harris's transactional analysis model.

People who adopt this role operate from a position of "I lose, you win" or "I'm not okay, you're okay."

Although at first glance they may appear altruistic and well-intentioned, their need to help others is a way of seeking approval and self-worth, which causes them to enter into codependent dynamics.

The rescuer, at their core, needs to feel needed in order to feel good about themselves.

The Savior and Their Approval Seeking

The rescuer sacrifices themselves for others to feel useful and appreciated.

Their self-esteem depends on external validation, and they often give unsolicited advice or try to "fix" others' problems, even if they have not been asked for help.

In a conflict, they will either side with the victim to protect them from the persecutor, or will try to solve the problem the pursuer is creating, not realizing that they are perpetuating the cycle of abuse.

The rescuer, failing to recognize their own need for worthiness, deludes themselves into believing their actions are selfless.

However, if the person they are trying to help doesn't give them the approval they seek, the rescuer may become resentful and frustrated.

The Codependent Dynamic

The rescuer position is the foundation of codependent relationships, which are toxic and based on a structural imbalance.

The rescuer, or "giver," sacrifices themself to meet the emotional needs of others, while the "taker," who may be a pursuer or a victim, takes advantage of this dynamic.

This cycle is addictive for both parties. The rescuer feels good about themselves for being needed, and the victim or persecutor feels good about receiving the rescuer's attention and sacrifices.

Codependency is a vicious cycle that is very difficult to break, as both are trapped in a pattern that meets their emotional needs, even if it is destructive.

The Road to Healing

To break out of the rescuer position, it is crucial for the person to take responsibility for their own happiness and self-worth.

The rescuer must learn to set boundaries, to say "no" without guilt, and to recognize that they are not responsible