The six layers of resistance

The onion model of resistance provides a clear guide for diagnosing and addressing the underlying causes of conflict.

Like the layers of an onion, resistance may be superficial at first, but the deeper layers are more complex and emotionally intense.

Responding to resistance at the level at which it is expressed is crucial, but if the objection persists, it is necessary to "peel back" the layers to get to the root of the problem.

The layers of resistance and how to manage them

"I don't get it" (Confusion): This is the outermost layer and manifests when the person is confused about an idea or proposal.

The answer is simple: find a different way to explain the concept until you understand it.

"I don't understand why" (Credibility): Once the person understands the idea, he or she may doubt its logic or relevance.

There are two variants: one may ask for more details to understand the reason behind the proposal, or the other, more challenging, may question the reasoning because their own interpretation clashes with yours.

In the second case, you have to identify and correct the mental filters (distortion, elimination, generalization) that are affecting their interpretation to maintain your credibility.

"I don't like what you are saying" (Content): At this point, the objection is about the proposal itself.

It could be because the person will be negatively affected, and in that case, you need to be honest about it and propose measures to mitigate the impact.

It could also be that they believe the proposal hurts something they value or that you're making a mistake, so it's vital to listen to them closely, as they may have a valuable perspective that you haven't considered.

"I don't like it when you tell me" (Trust): Here, the objection is not about the idea, but the way it is presented.

This relates to a lack of trust or an insecurity on the part of the other person, who feels threatened or belittled.

To address this, you need to build confidence and demonstrate that the proposal does not represent a threat to their security or status.

"I don't like you" (Enmity): This is a deep layer where the resistance is personal, and the person is opposed to you, not your idea.

It is likely that he associates you with something he dislikes about the organization, that you are envious of him, or simply that he has had a bad day.

This type of resistance must be managed separately from the proposal, as it cannot be resolved with logical arguments.

"I like to resist" (Rotten Core): The innermost and, unfortunately, sometimes irresolvable layer.

Some people resist everything by nature, either because of a traumatic experience or because of their personality, they just enjoy or are "programmed" to resist.

Unless you are a therapist, there is not much you can do, and sometimes it is best to stop insisting.

Summary

The outer layers of resistance are confusion ("I don't get it") and gullibility ("I don't understand why"). They are addressed by clear explanations and correcting mental filters that affect interpretation.

The layers in between are content ("I don't like what you are saying") and trust ("I don't like you telling me"). Here, you have to be honest about the impacts and build trust.

The deeper and more difficult layers are enmity ("I don't like you") and "rotten core" ("I like to resist"). These are personal and sometimes irresolvable without professional help.