Relationship Phases

From attraction to falling in love

The life cycle of a couple usually begins with Attraction, initially physical and then psychological, which drives the rapprochement.

If the contact is positive, it advances to the Dating stage, where basic compatibility is explored. If this phase is successful, one enters Infatuation.

This is a stage of high emotional intensity, characterized by an increase in the frequency of contact and the focus of attention on the other, often to the exclusion of other areas of life.

During infatuation, an idealization occurs where defects are minimized and virtues are magnified.

It is an altered state of consciousness mediated by neurotransmitters such as dopamine.

Although it feels like "true love," it is actually a transient phase of bonding that paves the way for attachment, but does not in itself constitute a stable long-term relationship.

The Disappointment and Reality Adjustment Stage

Inevitably, the idealization falls away and gives way to the Disappointment or reality phase. This is the moment when one realizes that the partner is not the perfect being one imagined, but a real person with flaws, quirks and differences.

Questions arise about the future and the viability of the relationship ("What are we?", "Where are we going?").

This stage is critical and many relationships end here. Conflict arises when expectations clash with reality.

The evolutionary task of this phase is acceptance: moving from loving an idealized projection to loving the imperfect real person.

It requires developing tolerance, negotiation and the ability to manage irreconcilable differences.

If the couple fails to navigate this disillusionment and establish honest communication, the bond breaks down or stagnates in resentment.

Real love and building a life project

If the couple overcomes the disappointment, they enter the Real Love and Commitment phase. Here the relationship is consolidated based on the truthful knowledge of the other.

Joint future plans are established, either cohabitation, marriage or shared projects. It is a stage of stability, but not free of crises.

Crises in this stage are usually structural or developmental: decisions about where to live, financial management, or the decision to have children. Each of these milestones tests the solidity of the bond.

The couple must learn to balance individual needs for autonomy with the needs of the "we".

Success in this phase depends on the ability to adapt to change and keep the emotional connection alive while managing the logistics of a life together.

Summary

The cycle begins with high intensity attraction and infatuation. This stage, mediated by dopamine, is characterized by an absolute idealization where defects are minimized and other people's virtues are magnified.

Disappointment inevitably arises when the initial idealization falls. The evolutionary task consists of accepting the imperfect real person, developing tolerance and negotiation in the face of the irreconcilable differences that appear.

Real love consolidates the bond through stable life projects. Overcoming structural crises requires balancing individual autonomy with the we, adapting to constant changes in the environment and the system.