Specific Cases I: Rigidity and Narcissism

Management of obsessive traits and cognitive rigidity

Certain personality profiles present unique challenges.

A common example is the partner with obsessive or rigid traits who needs to control the narrative and constantly correct the other's "facts" ("It wasn't Tuesday, it was Wednesday").

This need for technical precision destroys the emotional connection and makes the partner feel invalidated and invisible.

The therapist should avoid getting into the factual debate and focus on rigidity as a symptom.

This need for control can be reframed not as malice, but as ineffective management of internal anxiety.

However, in session, firm boundaries must be set: "I understand that details are important to you, but we are talking about your partner's feelings now.

Can you listen to their pain even if the date is incorrect?".

Strategies for the narcissistic or grandiose profile

When one of the members presents narcissistic traits (grandiosity, lack of empathy, victimization), therapy becomes more complicated.

This profile often resists taking responsibility, always blaming the other and demanding special treatment.

They may try to seduce or intimidate the therapist in order to form an alliance against their partner. The strategy here is "empathic confrontation".

The narcissist's suffering (which is usually real, albeit self-centered) is validated, but they are firmly confronted with the impact of their behavior: "I understand that you feel unappreciated, but when you criticize your partner like this, she pulls away, and that leaves you without the admiration you seek."

Appealing to their self-interest ("if you change this, you'll get what you want") is often more effective than appealing to empathy for the other, which may be impaired.

Use of explicit structure and rules

For couples with high volatility or with members who have difficulty respecting turns and boundaries (as in ADHD or personality disorders), unstructured free therapy can be chaotic.

In these cases, the use of rigid structures is therapeutic. The therapist may implement the use of objects to give the floor, strict timers for each intervention, or checklists of allowed and forbidden behaviors in session.

These structural "crutches" provide a safe container. Knowing that there are clear rules reduces anxiety and prevents escalation.

For example, a predefined "repair" list can be used where the partner must choose a standard phrase to apologize, thus preventing a