Triangular Theory of Love

The three structural components of the relationship

To understand the complexity of emotional bonds, it is essential to master the theoretical model that decomposes love into three fundamental vertices.

The first component is Intimacy, which refers to emotional closeness, deep connection and warmth.

It should not be confused exclusively with sex, but understood as the feeling of trust that allows the sharing of the inner world, vulnerabilities and mutual support.

The second element is Passion. This is the motivational and biological component that drives romance, physical attraction and sexual desire.

It functions as the initial "fuel" for many relationships, generating an intense need for bonding with the other.

Finally, we find Commitment, which represents the cognitive and decisional side.

It is the conscious determination to love someone and to maintain that love in the long term, overcoming adversity.

A relationship can have one, two or all three elements, and the combination of these defines the quality and type of existing bond.

Dynamics and fluctuation of the components over time.

It is crucial that therapists explain to couples that these components are not static. The relationship is a living entity where the presence and intensity of each vertex fluctuates.

For example, it is natural that at the beginning of the relationship Passion is at its peak, driven by novelty and brain chemistry.

However, over the years, biological passion can be expected to diminish or transform, giving way to an increase in Commitment and Intimacy. Understanding this evolution prevents the pathologization of natural processes.

If a long-standing couple feels that "the spark has changed," it does not necessarily mean the end of love, but a transition into a different phase of the relationship life cycle.

The common mistake is to expect that the passionate intensity of the first months will be maintained linearly for decades without active effort.

Consummated love as a regulative ideal

"Consummate Love" or complete love is that which integrates Intimacy, Passion and Commitment in a balanced way.

It is considered the most complete form of love and is the ideal to which most couples aspire.

It represents a relationship where there is deep friendship, erotic desire and a firm decision of permanence.

However, achieving this state is easier than maintaining it. It requires constant work of "watering" and cultivation.

Without the active expression of affection and the renewal of passion, an accomplished love can degrade into more companionable or empty forms.

In therapy, this model is used for the couple to diagnose what area is neglected: Lacking spark? Lacking deep communication? Lacking future projection? By identifying the deficit, specific interventions can be designed to strengthen the weakened vertex.

Summary

Love is broken down into three essential vertices: emotional intimacy, biological passion and conscious commitment. The combination of these elements defines the quality and type of bonding that exists.

These components naturally fluctuate during the relational life cycle. It is normal for initial passion to diminish as deep trust and a firm decision to stay together forever increase.

Consummate love integrates the three fundamental elements in a balanced way. Maintaining it requires constant watering and active effort to prevent the bond from degrading into empty or forever companionable forms.