Barriers to effectiveness

Skill deficits versus emotional blockage

When analyzing why interactions fail, it is essential to distinguish between not knowing what to do and not being able to do it.

Often, ineffectiveness does not arise from ignorance, but from a state of affective overflow that prevents access to already acquired capabilities.

When emotional intensity exceeds a certain threshold, the brain loses the ability to process complex information and execute sophisticated strategies, resorting to primitive response patterns such as fight or flight.

Likewise, indecision about priorities acts as a powerful brake; if an individual is unclear about whether it is more important to defend his or her position or to keep the peace at that specific moment, the resulting ambivalence often leads to paralysis or an erratic response that satisfies neither need.

Myths and limiting beliefs about relationships

Unrealistic expectations act as a distorting filter that sabotages interpersonal effectiveness.

Beliefs such as "if he really cared, he would know what I need without my asking" or "conflict is always a sign of a broken relationship" are cultural myths that breed resentment and passivity.

These internal narratives create an impossible standard for others and oneself to live up to.

Another common myth is the idea that one must be able to solve all problems on one's own, which precludes asking for help or collaborating.

Dismantling these beliefs is a necessary preliminary step to be able to apply any communication technique, otherwise the technique will be applied from a posture of rigid demand or hopelessness.

The trap of passive-aggressive patterns

Ingrained habits of passivity and aggression are formidable barriers. Passivity, often disguised as kindness or sacrifice, builds up frustration by failing to defend one's limits, eventually leading to explosions or relational burnout.

Aggression, on the other hand, seeks to control the outcome at all costs, damaging the bond and provoking defensiveness in the other party.

Both extremes are ineffective in the long run: one erases the individual from the equation and the other erases the counterpart.

Effectiveness requires finding the middle ground of assertiveness, where one defends one's own needs without infringing on