Cycle of abuse and recovery

Phases: Idealization, Deva luation, Dismissal, Hoovering

Narcissistic abuse follows a predictable and repetitive cycle. It begins with Idealization, where the victim is put on a pedestal and saturated with positive attention to create a strong bond.

Inevitably, Deva luation follows, where the abuser begins to subtly or overtly criticize, withdraw affection and apply emotional punishments, leaving the victim confused and striving to regain the former state.

When the victim no longer serves the abuser's purposes or is exhausted, Discarding occurs, a cold and often brutal break.

However, the cycle does not always end there; Hoovering often appears, where the abuser attempts to "suck" the victim back into the relationship through false regrets or promises to change, restarting the cycle if the victim relents.

Structure of recovery therapy

Therapeutic treatment for survivors of this abuse should be structured and validating.

The first step is to help the client verbalize his or her experience and put a name to what happened, bringing the story of inner turmoil into the objective light.

Next, work is done to identify and dismantle the maladaptive coping mechanisms that the victim developed to survive (such as isolation, excessive submission, or substance use).

The therapist uses DBT tools to regulate the resulting emotional storm and stabilize the nervous system, allowing the client to process the trauma without being re-victimized by his or her own symptoms.

Rebuilding self-esteem and boundaries

The final and ongoing phase of recovery involves rebuilding the self. This means accepting that the person the victim fell in love with was a projection or a mask, not a reality, which is painful but necessary grieving.

Work is done to strengthen self-esteem independent of external validation and to establish firm boundaries ("Zero Contact" or "Grey Stone") to prevent future abuse.

The objective is that the person recovers his or her autonomy, learns to detect "red flags" in new relationships and transforms the experience of victimization into one of wisdom and empowerment, definitively closing the d