Nurturing the relationship: GIVE

Smoothing message delivery

When the priority goal is to maintain a good relationship or when the other person is sensitive, the GIVE skill is used to ensure that the interaction is validating and non-threatening.

G (Gentle/Gentle) prescribes behavior that is free of attack, threat or judgment.

It involves being polite and respectful in manner, avoiding sarcasm or contempt, even if disagreeing. It is not about hiding the truth, but delivering it wrapped in kindness.

For example, instead of saying "Your idea is stupid," one might say "I have a different perspective on this issue."

Gentleness disarms the defensiveness of the other and keeps the channels of communication open.

The power of genuine interest and validation.

I (Interested/Interested) requires actively listening to the other's point of view, without interrupting or preparing a response while the other is speaking.

Interest is demonstrated through body language (leaning forward, eye contact) and asking questions that deepen understanding.

V (Validate) is the most powerful component for connection; it means acknowledging and reflecting the other person's feelings, desires and difficulties, showing them that your perspective is understandable given their circumstances. Validate is not agreeing, it is saying "I understand why you feel this way."

This makes the other person feel seen and respected, which is critical to long-term relational health.

Relaxed attitude and humor

E (Easy manner/Relaxed style) suggests using a calm attitude, and even humor when appropriate, to reduce tension.

A genuine smile, a light tone of voice, or a self-critical joke can defuse a charged situation and remind both parties that the relationship is more important than the current conflict.

This "easy way" acts as a social lubricant that facilitates negotiation and prevents disagreements from escalating into ego battles.

It is the difference between a rigid negotiation and a smooth conversation between allies.

Summary

The GIVE skill prioritizes bonding by being Gentle and avoiding attacks or judgments. GENTLENESS disarms the defensiveness of the other and keeps communication channels open even during disagreement.

Showing genuine Interest and Validating another's feelings is crucial to connection. Recognizing the other's perspective as understandable makes them feel respected, facilitating long-term relational health .

Adopting a relaxed attitude and using humor helps reduce the tension of the moment. This "easy style" acts as a social lubricant, preventing conflicts from turning into ego battles.