Differentiating between feelings and thoughts

The Fundamental Confusion

A giant step on the path to self-awareness, and a key skill for emotional management, is learning to draw a clear line between our feelings and our thoughts.

In our everyday experience, these two phenomena often become intertwined and confused, leading us to treat our thoughts as if they were absolute truths or inescapable emotions.

This category mistake is a major source of unnecessary suffering.

Clues in Language

Our own language offers us clues to begin to unravel this confusion.

• Feelings: Pure emotions or feelings can usually be described with a single word that points to an internal state.

Words like "joy," "sadness," "anger," "fear," "surprise," "calm," "anxiety," or "gratitude" describe emotional states. They are visceral experiences that are felt in the body.

• Disguised Thoughts: On the other hand, many of what we call "feelings" are actually thoughts, judgments, or interpretations. A common red flag is the phrase "I feel like...".

For example, the statement "I feel like I won't be able to do this" doesn't describe an emotion.

It's a thought, a negative prediction about the future.

The underlying emotion might be fear or anxiety, but the phrase itself is a mental construct. Similarly, "I feel like you've betrayed me" is an interpretation of someone else's action, a judgment.

The emotion might be hurt or anger, but the idea of ​​"betrayal" is a mental concept.

The Realization That Liberates. Thoughts Are Not Facts

The most transformative realization in this area is to deeply internalize the idea that our thoughts are not irrefutable facts.

They are simply mental events, suggestions, stories that our mind constantly produces.

We are under no obligation to believe or identify with every thought that crosses our consciousness.

We can learn to adopt the stance of a curious observer before our own mind.

The Practice of Disidentification

This skill is cultivated through practice.

When a difficult or painful thought arises, rather than latching on to it, we can mentally label it: "Ah, here's a self-critical thought," or "This is the 'I'm not enough' story again."

By naming it, we create a distance that allows us to see it for what it is: a transient mental event, like a cloud passing across the sky.

This ability to disidentify from our thoughts is one of the greatest freedoms we can achieve.

It allows us to question our limiting narratives, challenge our most deeply held beliefs, and free ourselves from the tyranny of an unobserved mind.