The key concept: adaptive vs. maladaptive emotions

If the positive/negative classification isn't helpful, then how can we evaluate our emotional responses? A much more functional framework is to distinguish between "adaptive" and "maladaptive" emotions.

This distinction focuses not on the nature of the emotion itself (anger, fear, sadness), but on the context and outcome of its expression.

An emotion is adaptive when it helps us function better in our environment and get our needs met.

It is a response that is appropriate in intensity and duration to the situation that caused it.

For example, feeling deep sadness after the loss of a loved one is an adaptive response that allows us to process grief.

Feeling anxious before an important exam is adaptive if it motivates us to study. In these cases, emotions help us adapt to reality.

On the other hand, an emotion becomes maladaptive when its intensity, duration, or frequency are disproportionate to the situation and, instead of helping us, they harm us.

It becomes toxic and prevents us from developing properly in our social, work, or personal lives.

For example, the same anxiety that motivated us to study becomes maladaptive if it is so intense that it paralyzes us and prevents us from concentrating.

The anger that helped us set limits becomes maladaptive if it turns into a state of chronic resentment that poisons our relationships.

The key to emotional intelligence lies in developing our acuity to distinguish when an emotion is adaptive and when it has become maladaptive.

It is not about fighting the emotion itself, but rather learning to manage it when it stops fulfilling its useful function and begins to become a obstacle to our well-being.

Summary

More useful than talking about positive or negative emotions is to distinguish between adaptive and maladaptive emotions, according to their usefulness in facing situations and satisfying our needs.

An emotion is adaptive when its intensity and duration are appropriate to the context, helping us grow or act. On the other hand, it becomes maladaptive if it blocks or harms us.

Emotional intelligence involves recognizing when an emotion is no longer useful and managing it appropriately. It is not about eliminating it, but rather adapting it to our circumstances in order to live better.