Creating Connections: The Search for Similarities

The principle that we like people who are similar to us.

A fundamental principle of social psychology, supported by numerous studies, is that we tend to feel more at ease and are more easily persuaded by those we perceive as similar to us.

This similarity can manifest itself in any area: from sharing the same ideas, values or goals, to having hobbies in common.

Therefore, one of the most effective ways to build a connection and increase our influence is to find and highlight that shared ground.

A clear example of this power was demonstrated in a negotiation study with MBA students: the group that was instructed to first find similarities with their counterpart achieved a 90% agreement rate, compared to only 55% of the group that focused exclusively on the business.

This shows that personal connection is not a luxury, but a catalyst for collaboration.

How to find similarities through questions and genuine interest.

The method for discovering these commonalities is surprisingly simple: it's all about asking questions and showing genuine interest in the other person.

The goal is not to manipulate, but to cultivate genuine curiosity.

By asking open-ended questions about their work, background or interests outside the office, we create the opportunity to find unexpected connections, whether it's a shared passion for a sport, a similar professional experience or a common goal.

This discovery is only possible when we stop focusing on ourselves and dedicate ourselves to getting to know the other.

The key to the success of this technique does not lie in a complex strategy, but in the simple and powerful action of listening with attention and interest.

The importance of authenticity: don't pretend to be liked

While the search for similarities is a powerful tool, it must be handled with absolute authenticity.

It is a serious mistake to pretend that you share an interest just to please the other person, as this insincerity is often transparent and counterproductive.

When someone nods and agrees with everything their interlocutor says in a systematic way, their behavior is forced and, instead of generating connection, it destroys credibility.

The goal is to find real common ground.

And if, after a conversation, none is found, the strategy is still valid: instead of pretending, show a genuine interest in the other person's passions.

Asking questions and listening with cur