Cognitive dissonance

Are you true to yourself, your beliefs and values, your affections and ideas, your obligations and commitments? To what extent does your opinion of yourself correspond to what you do? If the answer is positive, this means that your value system, beliefs and emotions are in harmony with your behavior and way of thinking.

However, you can also be a victim of the effects of cognitive dissonance and not realize it. In fact, it is very common that for one reason or another you do not do what you consider right or ethical. You may be involved in actions that your conscience would reject or go against the vision you have of yourself.

That feeling that arises from deep emotional discomfort and psychological tension is called cognitive dissonance; and it is nothing more than the manifestation of that conflict between what you think of yourself and your behavior, or between two contrary thoughts.

Every time we want to make a change in our life, or we do not say what we think, or we suffer a disappointment, or we find ourselves in a dilemma, or we are forced to do something we do not want to do, we may feel cognitive dissonance. So it is something that we experience frequently.

Depending on the intensity of this jump, this internal incongruence can provoke sadness, guilt, contempt, insecurity, wounded pride, anger, or shame, etc. In order not to feel this tension, our brain is capable of deceiving itself or sabotaging itself. It begins to generate ideas and new beliefs in order to reduce the dissonance. In this way it manages to soften the situation, get relief or regain control, even if only temporarily.

How? By avoiding pronouncing on the situation that creates the dissonance and defending himself by means of all kinds of justifications, distortions or biased data that give him a more satisfactory image of himself. Either with a change of thought or attitude. It doesn't matter if it borders on denial.

Most responses to dissonance are unconscious. But if the triggers are continuous or the cause is prolonged over time, it makes us very vulnerable as this does not really resolve the contradiction.

This theory (A theory of cognitive dissonance) was created by the psychologist Leon Festinger and its results are used in different fields related to motivation, attitude change, the nature and behavior of both individuals and groups.

Despite appearances, cognitive dissonance has its positive side. The person can also choose to make a positive change in their behavior. It can also help identify where potential problems lie and pave the way for personal growth.

Common cases in which cognitive dissonance is often encountered

When you try to modify your thoughts to change behaviors, for example with a personal growth goal such as quitting a vice, losing weight, becoming more patient, etc:

• When our actions do not receive the recognition or reward we expected.

• When we make a bad choice.

• When we are presented with evidence that our beliefs are wrong.

• When we benefit from a situation but at the same time cause harm to others (according to our own values).

• When we love or feel affinity with animals but eat meat.

• When we are victims of a deception and cannot find a remedy or solution.

• When we are wrong but cannot change the situation.

• When we are in an abusive relationship but feel compromised or cannot find a way out.

• When we perform below our potential or in a mediocre way.

• Responses to these situations to reduce dissonance may lead people to purposely avoid or ignore the situation, to disengage, or to modify their view of the facts.

• For example, denying their responsibility, demeaning others, thinking that they are right and those who do not share their opinion are wrong, looking for arguments that justify them, using other tasks such as work or family as excuses to justify the apathy, changing the assessment of what has been done, seeking rewards in the future, looking for advantages to increase the value of something, among many other distractions.

• This is a common phenomenon for people who have a social conscience. They know that something is not going well but they let themselves be convinced by these internal dialogues that take control. But it is thanks to this that we are able to identify them.

Coaching and cognitive dissonance

To achieve a goal it is often necessary to modify our thoughts. By changing, for example, beliefs, ideas and/or behaviors so that they are consistent with our values, we will be voluntarily introducing cognitive dissonance.

The coaching process implies that the person is willing to make the necessary changes and that means living with conflicting thoughts and their consequent discomfort. At least for a period of time until he/she is able to internalize the change by creating new habits and ways of thinking.

In coaching we generate and take advantage of the dissonance so that the client proposes the change and acts to achieve it. Something that is not easy to assimilate because we are used to assume and excuse certain behaviors. The client must face these initial thoughts and be able to see possibilities and alternatives that he/she had not considered before.

The coach must facilitate this journey, asking the right questions, helping them to reflect, creating the conditions and dynamics to test their thinking patterns.

The inquiry process takes into account aspects such as:

• The vision and values that the