The requirement of perfection and the [you should].

The belief that 'I have to be perfect' and the tyranny of 'you should' are thought patterns that impose rigid rules on how oneself and others should act, and how life should be.

The more inflexible these self-imposed or internalized norms are, the greater the likelihood of experiencing frustration, anxiety and suffering.

The Nature of "Shoulds

The "shoulds" manifest themselves as a list of expectations and demands on one's own and others' behavior.

When these expectations are not met -which is frequent given their rigidity-, the emotional reaction is usually anger (if the demand was towards others or towards life) or guilt (if the demand was towards oneself).

Examples of these requirements include: "Todo debería ser rápido, fácil y cómodo para mí", "los demás tienen que tratarme de forma justa y razonable siempre", o "no tengo que cometer ningún fallo en lo que me proponga".

These beliefs are often based on external criteria rather than arising from internal, flexible self-assessment.

Questioning of Requirements

To counter the power of "shoulds," it is useful to question their validity: Where is this law written that dictates that things have to be this way? What evidence is there that this rigid rule is necessarily true or universally applicable?

It is also important to assess the real consequences of not meeting those demands: If you fail, make a mistake or fall short of your self-imposed standards, what is the worst that could really happen? Are there other ways of thinking, doing or feeling that are equally valid?

Perfectionism and Paralysis

Very rigid "shoulds" lead to perfectionism, a never-ending quest for flawlessness, since everything is susceptible to improvement.

This perfectionism, especially when personal worth is directly associated with results, can be paralyzing.

The perfectionist focuses on what is missing and the anguish of making mistakes, rather than enjoying the methodical process and the effort itsel