From Resentment and Resignation to Acceptance

Two Core Moods of Unforgiveness

When we have not processed a wound or unsatisfactory situation through forgiveness and acceptance, we often become trapped in two chronic and debilitating states of mind: resentment and resignation.

Although both are forms of suffering and non-acceptance, it is crucial to distinguish between them, as they arise from different perceptions of reality and therefore require different paths to healing.

Resentment chains us to the past, while resignation paralyzes us in the present.

Both states keep us in a position of powerlessness, either as victims of what happened to us or as prisoners of what we believe we cannot change.

Recognizing which of these two states we are in is the first step towards the liberation that acceptance offers.

Resentment: Living Chained to an Immutable Past

Resentment is the state of mind that arises from the non-acceptance of a fact of the past that is immutable.

It arises from the belief that a wrong has been done to us, an injustice has been done to us, or our expectations have been unmet, and we refuse to accept that the event has happened and cannot be changed.

The defining question of resentment is: "Why me?".

This question places us in a victim position, where the blame always lies with an external agent (another person, the world, fate).

The term "re-sentiment" is literal: we feel, over and over again, the pain of the original wound.

This state is often fueled by emotions such as resentment, anger and desires for revenge, and can be used as a perverse shield, under the belief that keeping the anger alive will protect us from future hurts.

Resignation: Being a Prisoner of a Limiting Interpretation

Unlike resentment, which clings to a past event, resignation is based on our interpretation of future possibilities.

It is the state of mind that arises from the belief that no matter what we do, nothing will change. The defining question of resignation is: "Why can't I?".

The person in a state of resignation has abandoned all hope of change and has surrendered to his or her circumstances, but not from peace, but from helplessness.

This state is sustained through a wall of justifications and excuses that seek to prove that one is right in believing that change is impossible.

Although resignation may appear passive, it often masks a deep fear of change, uncertainty or failure.

While the resentful person blames the past, the resigned person declares him or herself powerless in the face of the future.

Acceptance as a Gateway and Path to Peace

Acceptance is the key that frees us from both the chains of resentment and the prison of resignation.

In the case of resentment, acceptance implies recognizing and deeply assuming two truths: the past cannot be changed and we cannot change others.

Accepting this does not mean justifying the offense, but to stop fighting against an immutable reality. This acceptance allows us to make the decision to let go of the pain and move on.

In the case of resignation, acceptance is different: it is about accepting th