The Danger of Comparing Ourselves to Others

The Unwinnable Game: Comparison as a Source of Dissatisfaction

Social comparison is a deeply ingrained human instinct.

From an evolutionary perspective, assessing our position relative to that of others helped us determine our status and our chances of survival within the group.

However, in the modern world, this instinct has become one of the most reliable sources of unhappiness.

The act of comparing ourselves to others is a game that is almost impossible to win.

There will always be someone who seems to have more success, more money, a better appearance or a more exciting life.

When we compare ourselves, we inevitably focus on where we lose out, leading to feelings of envy, inadequacy and frustration.

It is, as described, a "road to nowhere," an activity that rarely produces a positive outcome and almost always robs us of joy and gratitude for our own life.

The Focus on Lack: How Comparison Distorts Reality

The main problem with comparison is that it diverts our focus from abundance to lack.

Instead of appreciating what we have, we fixate on what we lack relative to someone else.

A powerful example illustrates this point: a man who lives in a wonderful five million pound house cannot be happy because he constantly compares himself to his brother, whose house is worth twenty million.

Despite his enormous privilege, his frame of reference condemns him to feel inferior.

He could choose to compare himself to the vast majority of the population and feel immensely fortunate, but his instinct leads him to look upward to what he does not have.

This psychological mechanism demonstrates that our happiness does not depend so much on our objective circumstances as on the standard by which we measure them.

Constant comparison condemns us to live in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction, as the finish line is always receding.

The Social Networking Trap: Comparing Our Inner Selves to Others' Outer Selves

If social comparison has always been a problem, social networks have amplified it into an epidemic of dissatisfaction.

Platforms like Instagram or Facebook expose us to an endless stream of the seemingly perfect lives of others.

However, what we see is not reality, but a carefully edited and curated version: a highlight reel of the best moments.

We fall into the trap of comparing our "real inside" "with all our doubts, insecurities and bad days" with the "perfect outside" of others.

This is a fundamentally unfair and dishonest comparison that will inevitably make us feel that our life doesn't measure up.

Social media presents us with an idealized version of reality that feeds our comparison instinct in the most toxic way possible, becoming a driver of anxiety and low self-esteem for many people.

The Solution: Shift the Focus of Comparison Inward

The antidote to the poison of social comparison is a deliberate shift in focus.

The first and most important strategy is to cultivate gratitude and focus on our own world.

It is about actively appreciating what we already have and what we have accomplished, rather than constantly looking sideways.

It is about being happy with our own life, without making its value dependent on how it measures up to that of others.

The second strategy, if compariso