Common mistakes in trying to help

The trap of well-meaning pressure

The close environment (family and friends) plays a vital role in detecting and exiting violence, but often makes serious mistakes out of ignorance that end up isolating the victim even more.

When witnessing the deterioration of a loved one languishing in an abusive relationship, the instinctive and visceral reaction is often frustration and urgency.

It is common to resort to pressured phrases such as "stop it now!", "how can you put up with that?" or "where is your dignity?".

Although these interventions are born out of love and a desire to protect, they are profoundly counterproductive.

The victim, already feeling guilty and confused by her partner's manipulation, perceives these demands not as help, but as a judgment of her inadequacy, which increases her shame and sense of personal failure.

The Paradox of Rescue

Psychology identifies a phenomenon known as the "Paradox of Rescue".

When the environment tries to force the victim to make decisions for which she is not emotionally prepared, she is unwittingly replicating the same dynamics of the aggressor: control over her life.

The battered woman lives subjected to the orders and desires of her partner; if her friends or family impose what she should do, when she should leave and how she should act, they are simply changing her "boss".

By trying to save her by force, they rob her of the protagonism of her own process and override her agency.

For the exit to be real and sustainable, the decision must be born out of her own conviction and empowerment, not out of obedience to third parties, no matter how well-intentioned they may be.

Isolation as a defense mechanism

The direct consequence of pressure and judgment is the withdrawal of the victim. If every time she talks to her family she receives lectures, criticism or pitying looks, she will stop telling what is happening to her.

She will learn to hide the violence to avoid confrontation with her environment, which facilitates the work of the aggressor, whose main objective is to isolate her.

The victim may defend her partner against external attacks out of pure defensive reactivity or out of shame to admit her mistake.

In the end, the external pressure cuts off the bridges of com