Decision-making: From hope to facts

Resolving cognitive dissonance

The preliminary and most complex step in leaving a psychologically abusive relationship is mental, not physical.

The victim operates under a state of cognitive dissonance, simultaneously holding two contradictory ideas that generate great tension: "he loves me" (based on his words and the seduction phase) and "he hurts me" (based on daily reality).

The therapeutic and awareness process focuses on moving the victim from the realm of "subjective hope" to that of "objective facts".

The crucial moment, the turning point, occurs when the person stops judging the relationship by the aggressor's declared intentions ("he says he does it because he loves me", "he didn't want to hurt me") and begins to evaluate it strictly by the results on his own health ("every interaction ends in tears, anxiety or fear").

Overcoming fear and the necessary grieving.

The decision to leave is often hijacked by fear, as the perpetrator has systematically implanted the belief that the victim is incapable of surviving on her own in the real world.

Therefore, leaving is usually not an impulsive act, but the result of a profound process of mental deprogramming.

This path involves accepting and going through a series of painful mourning: mourning for the idealized relationship that never really existed, mourning for the time and effort invested in trying to "save" the partner, and mourning for the image of the aggressor who was loved.

Clinically, it is observed that the firm and irrevocable decision comes when the pain of staying finally overcomes the terror of leaving and facing the unknown.

Cold, unflinching execution

Once the victim achieves mental clarity and decides to break, the execution must be surgical.

Having analyzed the traits of the perverse or narcissistic profile, it is realized that it is impossible to "defeat" them through dialogue or negotiation, and that there is no amicable closure possible.

The recommendation is to walk away coldly, without looking for justifications or expecting understanding.

At this point, it is vital not to feel guilt, understanding that this is a measure of self-protection against someone who deliberately harms. Do not hesitate.

The aggressor, seeing his supply in danger, will try to victimize himself, cry or show himself weak publicly to manipulate the compassion of the partner.

If the victim