Effective support strategies

Radical validation and unconditional presence

The most powerful tool against psychological abuse is not counseling, but validation.

The victim has been subjected to brainwashing (Gaslighting) that makes him/her doubt his/her reality.

The role of the friend or family member is to act as a "clean mirror" that reflects the truth without distortion.

Phrases such as "I believe you", "it's not your fault" or "no one deserves to be treated like this" are acts of radical validation that counteract the manipulation of the aggressor. In addition, a constant, non-judgmental presence is required.

Because the abuser is trying to isolate her, the environment must stubbornly keep the door open: keep sending messages, suggesting plans and inviting her, even knowing she will say no or cancel at the last minute.

The underlying message should be, "I'm still here for you, no matter what."

Prioritize safety over the breakup.

Rather than focusing the conversation on the immediate breakup ("you have to call it quits"), it is much more effective and safer to focus on risk management.

Helping the victim map out a "safety plan" puts her back in control in a practical way.

Questions such as "What would you do if things get violent tonight?", "Do you have access to money of your own in case of emergency?" or "Do you have a copy of your important documents outside the home?" help the victim visualize scenarios and prepare for them.

This pragmatic approach reduces anxiety and plants the seed of empowerment, allowing the woman to feel logistically prepared for when her emotional moment to step up comes.

The Lighthouse and Empowerment (Infinite Patience)

Helping a victim requires infinite patience, understanding that the process of leaving is not linear; the statistical average is 5 to 7 breakup attempts before final separation.

During this back-and-forth, the role of the environment is not to be the captain steering the ship, but the lighthouse that remains lit on the shore to guide her through the storm. The strategy should be based on empowerment, not external resolution.

Instead of giving her chewed-up solutions, a maieutic approach is used through questions that connect her to her own abilities and judgment: "What do you think about this that has happened?", "How do you really feel when h