Identification with the aggressor and Stockholm Syndrome

Mental submission as a survival strategy

In situations of extreme dominance, the victim develops a defense mechanism known as identification with the aggressor.

This process goes beyond behavioral obedience; it involves a mental submission where the victim tries to enter the perpetrator's psyche in order to survive.

The woman tries to find out what he is thinking at every moment and to guess his desires before he verbalizes them, in order to anticipate and avoid any reason for anger or conflict.

This hypervigilance and forced attunement to the aggressor are intended to placate his fury and, deep down, to try to "seduce" him in order to win his approval or, at least, his clemency.

The dissolution of the Self in the Other

This pathological adaptation carries a devastating cost: the victim is reduced to nothing to become an extension of the aggressor.

She ceases to have any thoughts, desires or needs of her own, as these might conflict with his. Her mind is one hundred percent occupied by the abuser.

There comes a point when the victim is so permeable to the abuser's emotions that she begins to feel them as her own; if he is angry, she feels anger; if he despises her, she feels self-loathing.

This fusion overrides individual identity and makes separation extremely difficult, for the victim feels that without him she is nobody or cannot function.

The Paradoxical Bond (Stockholm Syndrome)

This phenomenon is closely linked to the Stockholm Syndrome, observed in hostages who develop emotional bonds with their captors.

In intimate partner violence, it manifests itself when the woman, despite the danger and threats, develops attitudes of sympathy, understanding and defense towards her aggressor.

Faced with the constant threat to her integrity (physical or psychological), any small gesture of "kindness" from the aggressor (such as not shouting one day or giving a minor gift) is magnified by the victim and received with immense gratitude.

The victim ends up allying with the aggressor against the outside world (family, friends, police) that tries to "harm" or separate them.

This traumatic bond is a cognitive distortion of survival: in order not to live in constant terror, the mind deludes itself into believing that the aggressor is good and that the relationship is special.

Summary

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