Jealousy and the myth of romantic love

The confusion between possession and affection

One of the most dangerous and deep-rooted myths in the culture of romantic love is the belief that jealousy is proof of love.

Many young people, and adults, do not distinguish between genuine affection and the desire for dominance.

There is a tendency to think that if the partner does not feel jealousy, then he or she does not care enough about us.

However, jealousy is not a measure of love, but a manifestation of insecurity and a sense of ownership.

There are still many jealous behaviors that are socially accepted and not frowned upon, which makes early detection of violence very difficult.

It is crucial to understand that pathological jealousy is a direct risk factor and a frequent cause of gender violence.

The profile of the pathological jealous person

The pathological jealous person is defined by an exaggerated and disproportionate emotional response to a real or, more often than not, imagined threat of losing his or her partner. Their main problem is chronic distrust and personal insecurity.

Considering his partner as private property, he initiates an obsessive control over all aspects of his life: his dress, his friendships, his hobbies and his schedule.

He lives tormented by questions such as "who is she with?" or "why hasn't she called me?", interpreting any silence or autonomy of the woman as an imminent betrayal.

Escalation: From victimhood to coercion

The dynamics of jealousy usually follow an escalation pattern. At first, the jealous person uses emotional manipulation by portraying him/herself as a victim ("I suffer a lot when you wear those clothes", "you hurt me if you go out with your friends"), with the aim of getting the partner to modify his/her behavior out of guilt or compassion.

However, if the victimization strategy does not work or if the insecurity persists, these feelings of rage and impotence are transformed into explicit violence: insults, prohibitions, threats and even physical aggression.

The victim, in order to avoid conflict and fear, begins to self-isolate, stopping seeing her friends and conditioning each of her actions so as not to arous