Paradoxical and contradictory language.

The double coercion (verbal vs. non-verbal message).

Paradoxical speech is a sophisticated destabilization strategy that consists of issuing two simultaneous and opposing messages: one explicit (what is said) and the other implicit (how it is said or what is done).

The aggressor may verbally state that he agrees with or supports the victim, while his body language - gestures of annoyance, looks of contempt, sighs - indicates total rejection.

This contradiction, known as "double coercion," traps the victim in a dead end.

If she heeds the words, she ignores the obvious hostility; if she reacts to the nonverbal hostility, the aggressor will accuse her of imagining things because "he said yes."

The aim is to sow permanent doubt about reality and to avoid exposing himself clearly, since at the level of words, he has not committed any fault.

Affirmation and immediate rectification

Within this paradoxical dynamic, it is common for the aggressor to launch a direct verbal attack or a discrediting phrase and then withdraw or rectify it.

He may say something hurtful about the victim's intellectual capacity or appearance and then immediately add, "Well, maybe I didn't mean that exactly" or "Don't mind me."

Even if you take back the word, the damage is done and the message of contempt has been received. However, the rectification serves to evade responsibility.

The victim is left with a "trace of doubt": Does he really think that of me? Was it a slip of the tongue or his real opinion? This technique prevents the victim from being able to legitimately defend herself, since the aggressor has technically apologized or corrected himself, leaving her in a position of insecurity and mental rumination.

Tension without apparent cause

The pervert also uses paradox to generate a climate of hostility "without evidence."

He can make the victim feel immense tension, coldness and latent aggressiveness without uttering a single offensive word.

It creates an unbreathable atmosphere in the home, where violence is felt in the air but does not materialize in concrete acts that can be pointed out or denounced.

This leads the victim to psychic exhaustion, as she lives on constant alert trying to decipher what is happening, while struggling with contradictory feelings of guilt and fear.

In the absence of an insult or a blow, the victim often feels she has no "right" to complain, which plunges her further into confusion and paralysis.

Summary

The strategy of "double coercion" consists of delivering opposing verbal and nonverbal messages simultaneously. This contradiction traps the victim in a dead end, sowing permanent doubt.

They frequently launch direct verbal attacks in order to rectify them immediately. Even if they withdraw the word, the damage is done and the "trail of doubt" prevents the victim from being able to defend himself legitimately.

The aggressor generates a climate of tension and latent hostility without concrete evidence. In the absence of explicit insults, the victim feels that he/she has no right to complain, sinking into confusion.