Irrational Beliefs and Unconscious Behavior

The way we act is not always conscious; often, it is guided by internalized beliefs that we have automated over time.

These beliefs, sometimes irrational, can drive behaviors that, without realizing it, damage our relationships and our well-being.

One of the clearest examples is the belief that "others must treat me exactly the way I want them to, or they are no good."

This unrealistic expectation can manifest itself in inordinate frustration when, for example, someone does not respond to a message immediately, without considering the other person's circumstances.

The need for others' approval and inauthenticity

Another irrational, and very common, belief is the idea that "I must win the approval of others or I am not worthy."

Those who have internalized this belief feel an unconscious fear of what others may think of them.

Therefore, they strive to be seen in a positive light, aligning their behaviors with others' expectations, even if it means suppressing their own opinions and desires.

Often, they become complacent people who dare not say "no" or express a different point of view for fear of rejection.

Sacrificing personal integrity

This pattern of constantly seeking approval leads to a sacrifice of integrity and, at times, one's own well-being.

In order to be validated by others, these people adopt an attitude of agreeableness that, if not authentic, becomes a compromise.

They make efforts to please others with the expectation that their niceness will ensure a conflict-free relationship.

However, if that expectation is not met, they often fall into a state of resentment, wondering why their sacrifices are not reciprocated.

The toxicity of forced agreeableness

This forced agreeableness becomes toxic, as it leads us to avoid standing up for ourselves and not setting healthy boundaries.

For example, at work, fear of losing job security can cause us to accept overwhelming workloads that eventually lead to burnout and demotivation.

By externalizing our sense of worth and making it dependent on the approval of a superior, we become vulnerable to criticism and comments that damage our self-esteem.

The key to breaking free from these patterns is to recognize that we have surrendered control of our emotions to external factors and that we must regain responsibility for our own well-being.

Summary

Our actions are often guided by irrational beliefs that have become automated over time. These beliefs can damage our relationships without us even realizing it. One example is the belief that others should act the way we want them to.

A common irrational belief is thinking that "you must win the approval of others or you are not worthy." This fear leads people to become complacent and repress their desires, sacrificing their personal integrity.

This forced agreeableness becomes toxic, generating resentment and burnout. The key to breaking free is to recognize that we have surrendered control of our emotions to external factors.