Self-Compassion as a Language of Life

Self-compassion is the most important way to apply nonviolent communication, as it is the language we use to treat ourselves.

We are often our own biggest critics, using an internal language full of judgment and blame.

This self-judgment prevents us from learning from our mistakes and instead keeps us in a state of resentment toward ourselves.

Self-compassion allows us to examine our mistakes with kindness and compassion, which is the first step to personal growth.

The trap of self-judgment

Self-judgment is a manifestation of unmet needs.

When we judge ourselves for making a mistake, we are actually dealing with unresolved emotional pain.

An example of this is when a student calls himself "dumb" for not understanding something.

Instead of blaming oneself, a more compassionate approach would be to recognize that the need was to understand the material, and that the mistake was an opportunity to learn something new.

The "have to" vs. the "want to"

Another form of self-judgment is the use of phrases such as "I have to exercise" or "I should quit smoking."

These phrases, which are based on obligation, cause us to resist, since our destiny is not slavery.

Instead of using language that puts pressure on us, it is important to replace "I have to" with "I want to".

For example, instead of "I have to exercise," you can say "I want to exercise to feel more energetic."

This change in language transforms the obligation into a choice, which motivates us in a more positive way.

Summary

Self-compassion is the most important way to apply nonviolent communication,