Strategies for Becoming More Assertive

Becoming more assertive is a gradual process that begins with self-awareness and the belief that one deserves to be treated fairly.

Often, a lack of assertiveness stems from a lack of awareness of one's rights, or a belief that others have the right to demand whatever they want.

To break out of this pattern, it is necessary to identify where change is needed and to believe in one's own ability to stand up for oneself in a respectful manner.

Steps to assertive communication

The first step is self-awareness. The person must recognize that he or she is being subjugated and that the situation is not ideal.

This involves looking at one's own emotions, such as resentment or frustration, and connecting those emotions to concrete situations.

The next step is to identify one's rights.

This means reflecting on whether we would treat ourselves the same way if we were in the position of power, or whether we would recommend that relationship to someone we love.

If the answer is no, it is a clear sign that a change is needed.

Preparing firm and respectful responses

Once you have decided that a change is needed, the next step is preparation.

You cannot move from being passive to being assertive without a plan.

Preparing an assertive response involves:

Describing the problem: Being specific about the behavior causing the discomfort, without resorting to labels or personal judgments.

For example, instead of saying "you were toxic," you can say "I felt ignored when you talked over me three times in the meeting."

Express feelings: Take responsibility for emotions by using phrases such as "I felt ignored," rather than blaming the other with phrases such as "you are rude."

Describe the desired change: Be clear about what you want to change and the positive consequences of that change.

Remain firm: Don't let the other person change the subject or divert the conversation.

Practice and consistency

To become more assertive, practice is necessary.

Gradual exposure to situations that make us uncomfortable can be a useful tool for gaining confidence.

Starting with low-risk situations, such as refusing a small request, and moving toward more difficult conversations helps build confidence in a sustainable way.

In the end, assertiveness is not about being perfect, but about having the courage to stand up for yourself, even if that means upsetting the other person, because the alternative is living in misery.

Summary

Becoming assertive is a gradual process that begins with self-knowledge. It is necessary to identify where change is needed and to believe in one's own ability to stand up for oneself respectfully.

The steps to assertive communication include: being aware of one's emotions, identifying one's rights, and preparing a firm and respectful response. Preparation involves describing the problem and expressing feelings without blaming others.

To gain confidence, practice is necessary. Gradual exposure to situations that make us uncomfortable is a useful tool for building confidence in a sustainable way. Assertiveness is about having the courage to stand up for yourself.