How to Set Limits Assertively

Assertive boundary setting is a crucial skill that enables a person to stand up for themselves without being aggressive.

Assertiveness is somewhere in the middle between passivity (avoiding conflict) and aggression (imposing oneself with hostility).

Its goal is to communicate what is not acceptable in a firm, clear, and respectful manner, preventing mistreatment, unreasonable demands, or verbal abuse from taking root in a relationship.

To be effective, the practitioner must be mentally prepared, as the other person, accustomed to not encountering resistance, may react with surprise or even hostility.

The first step in setting a boundary is to be firm and clear.

A boundary is not a suggestion; is a statement of what will and will not be tolerated.

Instead of saying, "I wish you would stop yelling at me," an assertive response would be, "I'm willing to continue talking, but not in this tone."

This phrase establishes a reasonable condition without getting into an argument about who is at fault.

An effective technique is the "stop," where you interrupt the unacceptable behavior and redirect the conversation.

For example, when faced with a condescending comment, you can calmly say, "I'm here to help, but please be respectful."

This response is like an automatic reflex that stops the behavior without the professional having to justify themselves.

Doing so sends a clear message that this type of treatment will not be tolerated.

Consistency is the cornerstone of assertiveness.

If you set a limit, it is essential to maintain it firmly.

If a client insists on doing something that is outside of the rules, and the practitioner gives in, the individual learns that they just need to push a little harder to get their way.

In these cases, calmly restating the boundary can be a helpful technique, such as saying, "My mind is made up, and I'm not going to discuss this any further."

Finally, it's important to distinguish between validating an emotion and accepting behavior.

You can say, "I understand you're frustrated," but this does not justify the other person raising their voice or using name-calling.

Assertiveness allows you to acknowledge the other person's feelings without allowing those feelings to become an excus