The Fog Bank Technique

The "fog bank" technique is an exceptionally useful assertive communication strategy for de-escalating a conflict without entering into a heated argument.

This technique is designed to stop an unexpected criticism, an ironic comment, or a painful reproach, without the need to justify oneself, argue, or run away.

Its name comes from the metaphor of a fog bank on the road: upon encountering it, a driver brakes, reduces speed, and proceeds with caution instead of speeding up or swerving.

In the same way, this technique invites you to slow down the situation and respond calmly and briefly to criticism, which disarms the interlocutor.

The way this technique works is simple but effective.

When you receive a negative comment or criticism that could hurt, your automatic reaction is usually to justify yourself, counterattack, or duck your head.

Instead, the fog bank technique proposes a response that neither denies the criticism, nor accepts it completely.

It consists of responding with a brief and empathetic phrase that shows that the other person's point of view has been heard and understood, without entering into an argument about who is right.

For example, if a friend blames you for not being available for him, the automatic reaction would be to justify yourself with excuses about work.

Using the fog bank, the response would be: "I understand that you are angry because you think I am never there for you."

This response has several positive effects: It slows down emotional escalation: By acknowledging unjustified criticism, the argument is avoided and the interlocutor's aggressiveness is disarmed.

It demonstrates empathy: The empathetic phrase "I understand that..." validates the other person's feelings, making them feel heard without having to agree with your conclusion.

It gains time to reflect: By slowing down the situation, the technique gives you time to think calmly and decide whether to address the problem at another time, when both of your emotions are at odds. have calmed down.

You maintain control of the conversation: You respond briefly and concisely, and you can change the subject afterward, which communicates that you are not willing to enter into an unproductive argument.

The key to the success of this technique is to remain calm and composed.

Your tone of voice should be calm and your posture relaxed.

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