Assertiveness Training

Definition and Differentiation of Communicative Styles

Assertiveness, a concept formally introduced into the therapeutic field by Wolpe, is defined not as an immutable personality trait, but as a trainable communication style. To understand it, it is necessary to contrast it with its polar opposites.

On the one hand, we find the passive style, characterized by the person's inability to defend his or her own rights, systematically yielding to the wishes of others in order to avoid conflict, which generates a false harmony and internal discomfort.

At the opposite extreme is the aggressive style, where the individual defends his or her interests by trampling on the rights of others, using sarcasm, insults or intimidation, like someone who demands silence on public transport by shouting offenses instead of asking for it politely.

Assertive Rights and Expression

Assertive behavior is based on the recognition and exercise of personal rights without infringing on the rights of others.

An assertive person possesses the ability to express his or her convictions, feelings and thoughts - whether they are of pleasure, displeasure or anger - always maintaining respect for the interlocutor.

This implies knowing how to say "no" without guilt, to defend a decision made and to express negative emotions (such as "I am upset") in a direct and non-hostile manner.

Unlike the passive person who keeps quiet in order to please, the assertive person feels safe expressing his or her position, for example, expressing respectful disagreement with an opposing religious or political opinion without trying to impose his or her own opinion or submitting to that of others.

Assertiveness as a Negotiation Tool

Beyond mere expression, assertiveness is a clinical tool for negotiation and interpersonal conflict resolution.

The assertive individual practices active listening; he or she does not simply listen in order to respond, but seeks to understand the other's position before reacting.

This makes it possible to reach agreements ("negotiate"), such as deciding on an intermediate travel destination if there are disagreements with the partner, rather than imposing or submitting.

In addition, it incorporates empathy, trying to put oneself in the other's shoes to understand their reactions (a bad day, stress), which facilitates fluid communication free of the toxicity that characterizes aggressive or passive styles.

Summary

Assertiveness is not a fixed personality trait, but a communication style that can be trained. It differs radically from the passive style, which avoids conflict by giving in, and from the aggressive style, which imposes desires through hostility.

This behavior is based on defending personal rights and expressing thoughts or emotions, even negative ones, with respect. The assertive individual expresses his or her position with confidence without trying to subjugate the other or impose himself or herself.

Beyond expression, it is a clinical tool for effective interpersonal negotiation. It uses active listening and empathy to understand the interlocutor and reach mutual agreements, avoiding toxic dynamics.