Conflict management styles: Thomas-Kilmann Model

The Five Ways of Dealing with Disagreement

Not everyone handles conflict in the same way. There are different approaches to handling a disagreement, and the Thomas-Kilmann model provides a useful classification of the five most common styles we adopt in these situations.

Each of these styles has its place and time of application, and understanding them allows us to choose more consciously the most appropriate strategy for each context, rather than reacting purely instinctively.

The Avoidant Style: Ignoring the Problem

The avoidance style consists of ignoring or withdrawing from the conflict, avoiding confrontation at all costs.

This approach is useful and appropriate when the problem is minor and not worth the wear and tear of a discussion, or when time is needed for tempers to cool before addressing the issue in a more constructive manner.

However, if used systematically for major problems, it can lead to conflicts escalating for lack of resolution.

The Complacent Style: Giving in for the sake of the Relationship.

The complacent style involves prioritizing the interests of the other party over one's own.

One chooses to compromise in order to maintain harmony.

This strategy is appropriate when preserving the relationship is more important than the outcome of the conflict itself, or when the issue in dispute is not critical to us.

While it can be a good tactic for building goodwill, its overuse can lead to our own needs being systematically unmet.

The Competitive Style: Imposing One's Own Solution

The competitive style is characterized by standing firm in one's own position and insisting that one's own solution should prevail.

This assertive, and sometimes aggressive, approach is necessary in situations where quick and firm decisions are required, or when strong leadership is needed to guide a team.

Although it can be effective in achieving short-term objectives, its abuse can damage relationships and generate resentment.

The Compromising Style: Finding the Middle Ground

The compromise style is based on finding a middle ground where both parties give up something to reach an agreement acceptable to all.

It is the classic "split the difference" solution.

This tactic is very useful when both parties are willing to compromise and a quick solution is needed, even if it is not ideal for either party.

The Collaborative Style: Creating a "Win-Win" Solution

The collaborative style is the most constructive, as it involves working together to find a solution that fully satisfies the interests of both parties, a true "win-win."

This approach requires more time and effort, but is ideal when looking for innovative and lasting solutions that will strengthen the relationship in the long term.

Styles in Action: A Practical Example

Imagine a customer service representative confronted with an angry customer who demands a full refund.

If the rep applies a competitive style, he will strictly adhere to company policy and deny the refund.

If he opts for compromise,