Content and Relationship in Communication

Communication is an act that occurs on two simultaneous levels: the content message and the relationship message.

The first is explicit, while the second is often unconscious and has a much deeper impact on how the message is received.

The Content Message

The content message is the information, data, facts, or tasks that are communicated.

It is the part that is objective and external to the interlocutors.

For example, in a work environment, a supervisor who asks an intern to meet after the meeting, the content message is obvious: "we'll talk after the meeting."

The content, by itself, is neutral, but the way it is delivered can completely change its meaning.

The Relationship Message

The relationship message is the way in which the content message is communicated.

This message, which is more important, is what communicates how you feel about the person you are speaking to, and is mediated by tone of voice, body language, and word choice.

In the supervisor example, if the request is made in an authoritative tone, the relationship message is not simply one of information, but one of status and authority.

If the intern perceives their boss as being hostile or controlling, they are likely to become defensive and not receive the content message effectively.

Mismatch and Conflict

The relationship message is what determines whether the interlocutor feels safe, heard, and respected.

A mismatch between content and relationship is the cause of many conflicts.

For example, an individual may be frustrated with their partner and, rather than expressing that frustration directly, they may communicate a content-neutral message with an aggressive tone of voice and body language.

The partner, rather than receiving the information, will feel attacked, which will generate an argument.

The goal is for the other person to feel safe, respected, and valued, which will open a channel for the content message to be received and processed effectively.

Therefore, for