Specific vs. Nonspecific Messages

The way messages are phrased has a direct impact on the clarity and effectiveness of communication.

Most conflicts, misunderstandings, and misinterpretations originate from the use of nonspecific messages.

These messages are vague, ambiguous, and lack concrete details, forcing the receiver to interpret them and, often, fill them with assumptions that do not fit the sender's original intent.

A nonspecific message is often expressed through generalizations, such as "you never listen to me" or "you always leave me alone."

This type of language is not only vague, but it also carries an accusatory tone, which automatically puts the receiver on the defensive.

When this type of message is used, the issue is personalized and becomes an attack on the person's character, rather than an observation about a specific behavior.

For example, instead of saying "always you're busy," you could say, "sometimes you're busy."

This simple correction changes the accusation to an observation, which invites a more productive conversation.

The solution to this problem is to use specific messages.

A specific message is clear, concrete, and focuses on the facts, not interpretations or judgments.

Instead of saying, "Will you leave me alone?", a specific message for the same situation might be, "How about we both commit to going to dinner this Monday at this time?"

This message not only communicates a need for companionship, but also proposes a concrete and specific solution.

Another example: A nonspecific message like "Will you leave me alone" can become a specific message like "How about finding an hour a week to chat and spend some time together?"

This type of communication not only expresses the person's desire, but also makes them responsible for their own emotions and needs.

By proposing a negotiable solution, you invite the other person to collaborate instead of accusing them of a problem.

Ultimately, specificity is a powerful tool that clarifies the message, reduces ambiguity, and prevents conflicts before they start.

Summary

Most conflicts originate from the use of nonspecific messages. They are vague, ambiguous, and lack details, which forces the receiver to fill them with assumptions.

A nonspecific message is often expressed with generalizations such as "always" or "never," which automatically puts the other person on the defensive.

The solution is to use specific messages that focus on facts, not interpretations. Proposing a concrete solution, such as "How about we go out for dinner this Monday?", invites collaboration.