The [Emotional Buffer] Strategy (Fog Bank)

This is an assertive communication technique designed to absorb the impact of a criticism or hostile comment and immediately de-escalate tension.

It works as a buffer that slows down the other person's aggression, giving you control over the situation without having to defend yourself, counterattack, or give in.

Its objective is to neutralize a verbal attack to protect your emotional well-being and avoid an unproductive argument.

The method is simple but requires practice. When faced with hurtful criticism, the knee-jerk reaction is often to justify ("It's not true, because...") or to counterattack ("Well, you..."). This technique proposes the exact opposite: responding with a short sentence that acknowledges the other person's perception or feeling, without accepting it as an absolute truth or arguing with it. For example, if someone angrily says to you, "You never have time for me!" a defensive response would be to list all the times you were available. Using this technique, the response would be, "I can see you feel I'm not paying enough attention to you" or "I understand why you're upset about my lack of availability lately." The benefits of this response are immediate: Neutralizes the aggression: By not encountering resistance, the hostile energy of the interlocutor dissipates. Validates their feelings (not the facts): The other person feels heard, which calms their emotional state, even if you haven't given them the reason.

It gives you a strategic pause: It slows down the conversation and gives you valuable time to think clearly instead of reacting impulsively.

It maintains your emotional control: It allows you to manage the situation calmly and decide if the topic deserves to be discussed later, in a more serene environment.

The success of this strategy depends on your ability to maintain your composure. A calm tone of voice and relaxed body language are essential.

It is an elegant and effective way to protect yourself without damaging the relationship.

1.2.1. Summary

The "fog bank" technique is an assertive strategy to neutralize hostile criticism and de-escalate a conflict. Instead of defending yourself, you respond with a brief, calm sentence that absorbs the impact.

The method consists of acknowledging the other person's feeling or perception without accepting the criticism as fact. For example: "I understand that you feel I haven't been supportive enough."

This response curbs the aggression, validates the other person's emotions, and gives you time to think. The key is to maintain a calm demeanor to prevent the conversation from turning into an argument.