Active and effective listening techniques

Active listening is an essential skill that goes far beyond simply listening; it is a conscious and deliberate process to fully understand the other person.

It is a vital tool for avoiding and resolving conflict, as it shows respect and disarms the other person by making them feel valued and understood.

Below are several practical techniques for improving this skill.

Preparing for effective listening

The first step to good listening is to get out of the way of distractions and your own self.

Mentally, you have to set aside your own opinions, biases and judgments in order to be 100% present for the other person.

A big obstacle is the voice in your head that distracts you with what you have to do next, or how you are going to respond to what the other person is saying.

To silence it, you can mentally reduce its volume until it disappears, allowing you to concentrate fully on the speaker.

In addition to muting your inner voice, it is important to pay attention to the quality of your own listening periodically.

If you notice that your own thoughts or judgments are interfering, push your ego aside and refocus your attention on the other person.

This ensures that the message is received as robustly and objectively as possible.

Indicators that you are listening

To let the other person know you are listening, it is important to use appropriate verbal and nonverbal responses.

Use words or phrases of etiquette such as "uh-huh," "I see," or "I understand."

Body language is also key; nodding your head, leaning forward at the right time, or maintaining appropriate eye contact are signals that tell the other person you are engaged and attentive.

These signals allow you to relax and share your story more easily.

The power of silence

One of the most underrated tools in active listening is silence.

If the other person has asked you a long, complex question and you respond immediately, you may convey the message, without realizing it, that their question was too simple or that you are underestimating them.

On the other hand, if you take a moment to think before answering, you communicate that their question is profound and deserves a thoughtful response.

This is a much more respectful way to interact. Also, in an argument or conflict, silence can be a tactical advantage.

If the other person is talking and you are silently planning your response, she may feel uncomfortable and fill the silence with more information, which may be valuable to you.

In a conversation, the person who is most comfortable with silence is the one who usually has the most power to dominate it.

Summary

Active listening is a conscious process of fully understanding the other person, showing respect and making them feel valued. To do this, it is key to mentally remove distractions and self-judgments.

To demonstrate that you are listening, use verbal responses such as "I understand" and nonverbal cues, such as nodding your head or maintaining eye contact. This creates an atmosphere of trust.

Silence is also a powerful tool. Taking a moment to think before responding communicates that the question was profound and deserves a thoughtful response, which is a form of respect.