Conflict behaviors: passive, aggressive, and assertive

Respect acts as the "social glue" that gives us the confidence to interact with others and build successful relationships.

When this balance of respect is broken, three types of conflict behaviors can manifest themselves: passive, aggressive and assertive.

These styles can be visualized on a graph with two axes: concern for self and concern for others.

Passive behavior

This style is characterized by high concern for others and low concern for oneself.

People with passive behavior tend to subordinate their own needs, opinions, and legitimate rights to those of others.

They are often hesitant to express their point of view or ask for help, and their main goal is to avoid being hurt.

This lack of assertiveness often leads to internal conflict and their concerns being ignored, leaving them feeling resentful and disempowered.

Aggressive behavior

At the opposite extreme, aggressive behavior shows high concern for self and low concern for others.

This style seeks to win at all costs, even if it is at the expense of others, and may manifest itself through bullying, harassment, or verbal abuse.

Aggressive people are not afraid to express their opinions forcefully, but find it difficult to ask for help.

This approach demands what it wants and often resorts to blame if it doesn't get it, which can quickly escalate a conflict and severely damage working relationships.

Assertive behavior

Assertive behavior represents the ideal balance, where a balanced concern for self and others is displayed.

This style focuses on what is fair and right for all parties, with the goal of achieving mutually beneficial outcomes.

Assertive people are not afraid to ask for help or give their opinion, but do so in a respectful and considerate manner.

They recognize their own rights and needs, while valuing and respecting those of others.

This approach fosters collaboration and is the best way to prevent conflict escalation, as it promotes the search for equitable solutions that satisfy both parties.

Being assertive is the most effective way to resolve conflicts and, if a confrontation escalates, it is the best starting point to de-escalate it and seek a fair solution.

Summary

Respect is the "social glue" that maintains balance in relationships. When it breaks down, three behaviors emerge: passive, with high concern for others; aggressive, with high concern for oneself; and assertive.

Passive behavior subordinates one's own needs to avoid being hurt, which generates internal conflict and resentment. Aggressive behavior seeks to win at all costs, seriously damaging working relationships.

Assertive behavior is the ideal balance, with a balanced concern for self and others. This approach fosters collaboration and is the best way to prevent conflict escalation.