Conflict resolution techniques

The Middle Way philosophy and negotiation

Effective conflict resolution is based on the "Middle Way" dialectic, which rejects the idea that there is absolute truth and absolute falsehood in a disagreement.

It assumes that both parties have inherent validity in their perspectives and needs.

Negotiation, in this view, is not a battle of wills, but a collaborative search for a synthesis that honors the essential aspects of both positions.

This implies a willingness to compromise on peripheral issues in order to protect what is core, and to actively seek creative solutions that offer mutual gains ("win-win").

It is about moving from a "me-versus-you" stance to an "us-versus-the-problem" stance.

The RAVEN technique for emotional management

The acronym RAVEN offers a framework for navigating emotionally charged conflicts.

The "R" (Relax) emphasizes the need to calm one's physiology before speaking, accepting that conflict is a normal part of life and not a catastrophe.

The "A" (Avoid aversive) reminds one to actively avoid the destructive strategies mentioned above.

The "V" (Validate) is crucial: explicitly acknowledge the other's point of view and feelings, even if you disagree with them, which reduces defensiveness.

The "E" (Examine values) invites to align conflict behavior with one's own long-term values (do I want to be compassionate or right?).

Finally, the "N" (Neutral voice) suggests maintaining a calm tone of voice free of sarcasm or contempt, as the "how" one says it is often more triggering than the "what" one says.

Mutual validation as a bridge

At the heart of conflict resolution is mutual validation. Unlike simple listening, validation actively communicates that the other's experience makes logical or emotional sense given their circumstances.

This acts as a "social lubricant" that decreases friction. When a person feels heard and understood ("I see that this really frustrates you because you had other expectations"), their need to attack or defend themselves diminishes, opening up space for cognitive flexibility and cooperation.

The technique involves alternating between expressing one's own perspective and validating the othe