Limits for children

We are not bad parents for setting limits.

Sometimes it can be difficult to see our children cry, but let's understand that it is part of the learning process. Just as the law of gravity acts on an object without regard to feelings, a firm upbringing will not yield to grief.

With clear and consistent limits, our children will learn to face the consequences of their actions and will grow up to be balanced and happy adults, and will not depend on social relationships marked by anger or aggressiveness.

Firmness and limits.

In previous chapters we talked about the importance of having a firm educational style. Limits are a fundamental aspect of this educational approach:

• Number 1: They are set, not imposed.

• Number 2: They are negotiated through empathy, kindness and respect.

• Number 3: It is neither too strict nor too permissive. The ideal is to maintain a balanced position.

Differences between norm and limit.

A firm upbringing encourages the use and following of rules. But what is the difference between rules and limits? For example: "You can play on the computer, but only for two hours a day". "You can't play all day so you don't neglect your studies, sleep and eating routine."

Setting appropriate limits contributes to the development of important skills in children, such as confidence and self-esteem. This is achieved by giving them clear guidance on what behaviors are acceptable. Rules have to do with the practicality of how far or how a boundary is being played out. For example, "In this house, you have to eat every day at 7:00 pm."

Since the stakeholders are regularly eating at 8:00 pm instead of 7:00 pm, as the rule states, it might be more practical to relax the limit. Consideration could then be given to changing the established time.

Beneficial rules.

It is essential that the rules be seen as positive. For example, a four-year-old who is playing doctor may not want to leave her game just because it is bath time. However, if explained properly, she can understand the benefits and consequences of not doing so.

We might say, "Let's take a bath now. The faster we do it, the more time we have to save lives. Would you rather Mom or Dad give you a bath?

In this case, the child is not being asked whether she wants to take a bath or not, since that is not up for discussion. What she is being told is that she needs to take a bath. She is being encouraged to do so quickly so that she can get back to her play as soon as possible.

The child has understood that her parents understand her desire to continue playing and that it is important to her. At the same time, she has understood that before she can continue to play, t