The Difference Between Legitimate and Artificial Empathy

Legitimate empathy: a genuine interest in the other.

Legitimate empathy is empathy that originates from an authentic and subjective interest in the other person.

It is neither a technique nor a strategy, but a sincere manifestation of the desire to understand and connect with the other person.

In this type of empathy, the primary motivation is the relationship itself; interest in the other person's thoughts, feelings and perspective is the end, not a means to another end.

It is characterized by a warmth and congruence that are difficult to manufacture, as they emanate from a genuine appreciation of the person with whom one is interacting.

Contrived empathy: a calculated demonstration with a hidden agenda.

At the opposite extreme is contrived empathy.

This is a calculated demonstration of interest that actually hides a Machiavellianly objective goal.

The person practicing it is not interested in the individual, but in what he can get through him.

The appearance of understanding and kindness is a tool to manipulate the situation in their favor, whether to gain influence, close a sale or get a personal benefit.

It is an act, a protocol smile that lacks the warmth and sincerity of real connection, and often fades as soon as the hidden objective has been achieved.

Examples of artificial empathy in the professional environment

The professional environment is a fertile ground for artificial empathy, which in turn can be legitimate or contrived:

Legitimate Artificial Empathy: Occurs when a professional, conditioned by a protocol to show goodwill, does so genuinely.

For example, a teacher who, as part of his role, greets his students politely at the beginning of each class because he really enjoys the interaction and cares about creating a good atmosphere.

The behavior is protocol, but the emotion is authentic.

Artificial Artificial Empathy: This is when someone is literally forced to comply with a code of politeness to avoid negative consequences.

A clear example is a salesperson in a department store who goes out of his way to be polite to a customer, not out of a real desire to help, but out of an obligation to meet sales metrics and avoid a penalty.

How to develop the ability to distinguish between the two

Distinguishing between legitimate and contrived empathy requires going beyond words and looking at congruence and consistency of behavior.

The key is to look for alignment between the different channels of communication:

Congruence: Do the person's body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice match your words of interest? Contrived empathy often reveals dissonance, such as a smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

Consistency: Is the person's interest stable over time or does it only appear at specific times when you nee