Improving verbal communication: listening to understand

Hear vs. Listening

Most of us spend our days hearing sounds and words, but we rarely truly listen.

Hearing is a passive process, the simple reception of sound waves.

Listening, on the other hand, is an active, conscious, and deliberate act.

It involves paying full attention, processing information, and, most importantly, seeking to understand the full meaning behind the speaker's words.

The first step in improving our social skills is to commit to listening to understand, not simply to wait for our turn to respond.

The Prepared Response Trap

A common obstacle to active listening is that while the other person is speaking, our mind is already busy formulating our response, our counterargument, or our own story.

When we do this, it's impossible for us to be fully listening.

We miss nuances, emotions, and the other person's true message.

Technique Rapid Repetition (Auditory Anchoring)

To train our mind to stay focused on the speaker, we can use the technique of mental "rapid repetition."

This consists of silently repeating the other person's words in our heads right after they say them.

This occupies our inner auditory canal, preventing our mind from wandering or preparing a response.

It is an exercise in mental discipline that forces us to listen completely.

The Power of Paraphrasing and Open Questions

To ensure that we have understood correctly and to e