Self-knowledge as the basis of healthy relationships

The Starting Point. Looking Within

Often, when our relationships aren't working, we tend to look for the cause in the other person or in external circumstances.

However, the first and most important step to improving any relationship is self-knowledge.

We can't hope to build healthy relationships with others if we don't have a healthy relationship with ourselves.

The Self-Recognition Process

This process involves honest and deep introspection.

It involves taking the time to identify our own patterns of behavior in relationships.

How do we react to conflict? What emotions do we usually feel when we feel vulnerable? What thoughts or beliefs guide our interactions? Do we tend to be passive, aggressive, or assertive?

Practical Reflection Exercise

A powerful exercise is to take a pen and paper and reflect on a recent argument or conflict.

Write down, in as much detail as possible:

• What triggered the situation?
• What exactly did you feel (anger, fear, sadness, etc.)?
• Why do you think you felt that way (what belief or value was threatened)?
• How did you behave (what did you say, what did you do)?
• What was the outcome of your behavior?

From Awareness to Choice

Conducting this type of analysis is not about blaming yourself, but about