Coaching tools and techniques (ii)

Appreciative language

The leader-coach must demonstrate appreciation for his or her employees. Research shows that the use of positive and appreciative language (both verbal and non-verbal) is highly correlated to productivity and team performance.

The results of appreciative language vary by culture, as each culture has different forms of appreciation. Verbal and non-verbal forms of communication that allow us to show appreciation:

• Non-verbal signs of appreciation: the smile, the hug, the affectionate greeting, the congratulatory pat on the back, the hand on the shoulder, the high-five, nodding the head, clapping the hands....

• Verbal expressions of appreciation: Thanks, acknowledgements, and all verbal expressions of appreciation, affection, approval and admiration.

The leader who constantly shows appreciation for his team, injects energy that motivates day by day.

Constructive Feedback

Constructive feedback is one of the best tools that can be used to help achieve goals and elevate coachees' performance. When feedback is direct and honest, but lacks empathy and warmth, people feel attacked, offended and unappreciated.

On the contrary, if it is empathic, warm, but not direct and honest, they do not clearly understand the message, nor its importance, so they rarely correct their behavior. Therefore, it would be appropriate for feedback to be: honest, direct, and at the same time empathetic, warm, using appreciative and assertive language.

There are 4 obstacles that when out of balance affect the ability to lead effectively. To ensure constructive feedback, some tips are necessary:

• Be direct and specific: Make requests by expressing in the first person what you expect from the other person. Example: If we say: "I see you with a bad attitude, you should be more committed, it can give rise to multiple interpretations; but if we say: "I see that you have been late for 3 meetings, I would like you to be on time", it clarifies what behavior you expect from him/her.

• Talk about actions and their impact: Discuss only one action per conversation, without using judgmental labels, and mention the impact of the bad action.

Generate alternatives

A good leader-coach helps his team to find alternatives, broadening their perspective, that will allow them to achieve their goals. It is about thinking about possibilities and not obstacles, thinking about "what if..." and "why not".

An exercise in cases where the employee feels "blocked" is to ask him/her to draw a circle, divide it into 8 sections and for each one ask him/her to think of an alternative, no matter how crazy and risky they may be. This is known as a wheel of alternatives.

You can also make use of powerful questions, for example:

• What would you do if success was guaranteed?

• What would you do if you were a risk taker?

• What would you do if this was the first time you were faced with this situation?

• What would you do if you were 10 years older?

• What would be the safest and least risky thing to do?

• What would you normally do?

In addition, when the collaborator is blocked, afraid to take risks and go after more significant goals, and thinks in these terms: "this is too dangerous", "things will go wrong", there are some questions that may be useful:

• Is your thinking responding to something real?

• How can you be sure that what you are thinking is 100% true?

• Does it help the situation or you to think this way?

• Is there a more useful way to think?

These questions have their origin in the Dalai Lama's analytical meditation.

Creating accountability and commitment

There is no leadership without commitment. There is no commitment without accountability. There is no accountability without empowerment.

Responsibility can be created through linguistic empowerment. When we speak in a disempowered way we put ourselves in a place of victims of circumstances, on the other hand, when we speak in an empowered way, we make ourselves responsible for our lives, decisions and choices.

As a complement, it is also necessary to have a nonverbal language that shows empathy and appreciation. Powerful questions can also be generated to engage the employee.

Use questions that lead him/her to take responsibility for the results he/she has achieved so far:

• What could you do better?

• What is something you haven't done that you could do?

Questions that lead you to generate strategies and commitments:

• What do you want to do to solve this situation?

• What do you want to commit to?

Powerful questions can also be generated to get the employee to commit.

Questions that lead them to visualize the benefit of achieving the result and the cost of not doing so:

• What will be the benefits of achieving your goal?

• What would be the costs of not achieving it?

Questions that lead him/her to verbalize his/her degree of commitment:

• When are you going to do it?

• From 1 to 10, how committed are you to your goal?

Build effective action plans

The coach leader must ensure that the learning generated in a conversation is translated into concrete action plans