Assertive handling of criticism

Receiving criticism, whether constructive or not, can be a difficult experience that often generates defensive reactions or discomfort.

Learning to handle criticism assertively is an important social skill that allows you to extract useful information, protect your self-esteem, and maintain healthy interpersonal relationships.

Listen Actively Without Interrupting

The first step in handling criticism assertively is to listen completely, without interrupting the person giving the criticism, even if you disagree with it or it causes discomfort.

Paying attention and allowing the other person to express themselves fully demonstrates respect and makes it easier to understand the message.

Clarify and Ask for Specificity

If the criticism is vague, generalized, or unclear, it is helpful to use the technique of "negative questioning" to ask for concrete examples or more specificity.

Questions such as "What exactly do you mean by that?" or "Could you give me an example of when I have acted like this?" help you better understand the other person's point of view and avoid misunderstandings.

This can also lead the person criticizing to reflect more on their own statement.

Acknowledging the Truth (Partial or Whole) - "Fog Bank"

Even if the criticism isn't completely fair, there can often be some element of truth in it.

The "fog bank" technique involves acknowledging or accepting that grain of truth, or at least the possibility that the other person is right from their perspective, without having to completely agree with the entire criticism or become defensive.

Example: "I may sometimes get distracted when you're talking to me," or "I understand that from your perspective, it may seem like I'm not paying enough attention."

This attitude can disarm hostility and open the door to a more constructive conversation.

Accepting Mistakes (Negative Assertion) and Offering Solutions

If the criticism is valid and you acknowledge your own mistake, negative assertion implies admitting it directly and responsibly, without excessive excuses.

Example: "You're right, I forgot to send you the report on time."

If appropriate, you can offer an apology and, if possible, propose