How to help a classmate if he/she suffers bullying

The Observer's Dilemma and Breaking the Silence

Most peers who witness bullying do not condone it, but fall into the "spiral of silence."

Fear of becoming the next victim or the mistaken belief that "it's not my problem" paralyzes them.

The first step in helping a partner is to make a conscious decision not to be complicit in passivity.

Helping does not necessarily mean becoming an action hero and physically confronting the aggressor; in fact, that is often inadvisable.

The most powerful help starts with breaking the social approval the bully receives.

Simple, but high-impact actions include: not laughing at jokes or insults, not participating in spreading rumors, and not "liking" humiliating social media posts.

An observer can show their disapproval with body language: looking away from the "spectacle", shaking their head or simply leaving the circle that forms around the aggression.

This lack of an audience detracts from the aggressor's power.

Direct Support Actions (Public and Private)

There are safe and effective forms of intervention. At the time of the assault, one tactic is to create a distraction.

Approaching the aggressor or victim and asking an unrelated question ("Hey, what's homework for tomorrow?") can divert the focus and cut off the attack without generating a direct confrontation.

Another group strategy is "rescue": a group of peers can approach the victim and invite her to join them ("Come on, let's play something else!"), physically removing her from the bullying situation.

Private support is equally or more important. The partner should approach the victim alone and express support ("What they are doing to you is wrong", "You are not alone", "You can count on me").

This gesture validates the victim's suffering, breaks his/her isolation and gives him/her the strength he/she needs.

Simply sitting with him/her in the dining room or including him/her in group work are incredibly powerful acts of advocacy that rebuild his/her social network.

Seeking Adult Help (The Critical Resource)

The cornerstone of help is informing an adult.

Many children do not do this for fear of being seen as "snitches," a stigma that perpetrators themselves promote to ensure their impunity.

It is vital to understand the difference: "snitching" is seeking harm to someone over a trivial matter; "reporting" is seeking help to protect someone who is in danger or suffering an injustice.

The peer should communicate what he/she has seen to a trusted adult (a teacher, tutor, his/her own parents) in as detailed a manner as possible.

If he/she fears retaliation, he/she can do so anonymously, for example, with a note.

This action is not a betrayal of the "children's code", but the act of utmost loyalty to a fellow child who is suffering.

Adult intervention is essential to activate protocols and stop bullying in its tracks.

Summary

To help, the observer must first break the silence and not be a passive accomplice. Actions such as not laughing or not looking take power away from the aggressor, as they deny him the audience he is seeking

Support can be direct: create a distraction to stop the attack or "rescue" the victim by inviting her elsewhere. In private, it is vital to validate her pain and offer her company.

The most important action is to inform a trusted adult (teacher or parent). It is not "snitching", but an act of responsibility to protect someone who is suffering and cannot defend himself/herself.