Main questions about cyberbullying

Why not just block it (the complexity of the victim)?

This is the most common question asked by adults who don't understand the dynamics of cyberbullying.

The "just block him" or "close the account" solution rarely works and, moreover, blames the victim.

First, the aggressor can create infinite new accounts or attack from unknown numbers, turning blocking into a futile game.

Secondly, the aggressor is usually someone from the close environment (classmate), and the victim has a well-founded fear of physical retaliation in the real world if the aggressor discovers that he or she has been blocked.

Moreover, for an adolescent, his social network is his main vehicle for socialization.

Asking him to "close the account" is tantamount to asking him to socially isolate himself from his peers, to cease to exist in their world.

This is a double punishment: not only is he harassed, but he is also penalized by being disconnected from his support network.

The victim often prefers to monitor what the bully says (even if it hurts) rather than live in the uncertainty of not knowing what is being posted about her.

Is my child the bully (signs of the bully)?

This is a question all parents should ask themselves. A minor doesn't have to be "bad" to become a cyberbully; sometimes they do it by imitation, peer pressure or not understanding the seriousness of their actions.

Signs that a child may be cyberbullying include secretive and protective behavior with their devices (closing screens abruptly when an adult enters, not letting go of the cell phone, using passwords they did not use before).

Other signs are more subtle: he laughs excessively when looking at his cell phone but doesn't want to share why, uses multiple social media accounts, or has a noticeable lack of empathy for news or stories about the suffering of others.

May display an "anything goes" or "it's just a joke" attitude when confronted about a hurtful comment.

An increase in his popularity or verbal aggressiveness at home may also be indicators that he is replicating online power dynamics.

What is the difference between a joke and cyberbullying?

The line is very clear and is based on two factors: reception and repetition. A joke is a one-off interaction that is fun for all parties involved.

If one person (the recipient) does not laugh, feel humiliated or ask for it to stop, and the action continues, it automatically ceases to be a joke and becomes bullying.

Cyberbullying is not mutual; it is one-way. The "I was just kidding" argument is the bully's most common excuse to invalidate the victim's feelings and evade responsibility.

The aggressor's intentionality is irrelevant if the result is harm to the victim.

Cyberbullying, moreover, is repetitive: the "joke" is perpetuated over time, shared and used systematically to degrade the same person.

Humor seeks shared laughter; bullying seeks the humiliation of one for the amusement of others.

Summary

To ask why the victim does not block the aggressor is to blame the victim. The bully may create new accounts and the victim fears physical retaliation if blocked, as well as social isolation.

A child may be the aggressor if he or she is very secretive with his or her devices, laughs alone and hides his or her screens, or uses multiple accounts. A lack of empathy or justifying their actions as "pranks" are signs of a bully.

A joke is fun for everyone; bullying is not. If the recipient feels humiliated and the action continues, it is harassment. The argument "it was a joke" is the aggressor's excuse.