What is Grooming?

Definition and Differentiation (Abuse, not Harassment)

Grooming (in Spanish, "ciberacoso sexual a menores") is one of the most serious practices on the Internet and it is essential to differentiate it from bullying.

Grooming is not peer harassment; it is a crime perpetrated by an adult posing as a minor (or a young person) to gain the trust of a child or adolescent with the ultimate goal of obtaining sexual satisfaction.

This satisfaction can be the obtaining of intimate images (sexting), the performance of sexual acts via webcam or a physical encounter. Deception is the basis of grooming.

The adult creates a false profile (using stolen photos) and inserts himself/herself in the digital spaces of minors (online games, forums, Instagram, TikTok).

Unlike the school bully, the groomer does not seek to humiliate, but to seduce, validate and manipulate.

The Phases of the Grooming Process

Grooming is a calculated and gradual process that follows several clear phases:

Trust Building Phase: The adult contacts the minor and establishes a connection.

He/she appears as the "perfect friend": listens to the child, validates his/her problems (which the parents "don't understand"), shares his/her likes and dislikes and showers him/her with attention (love bombing).

Isolation Phase: The adult begins to create a secret world. Insists that their "friendship" is special and that no one else would understand ("don't tell your parents").

May begin to criticize the child's friends or family to isolate the child from his or her real support network.

Sexualization Phase: Once trust is complete and the child is isolated, the conversation begins to subtly turn to intimate or sexual topics.

The adult may share "confessions" or "problems" of his or her own to normalize the topic.

Solicitation and Blackmail Phase: Finally, the adult asks the minor to send intimate photos or videos, sometimes as "proof of trust".

If the minor agrees, grooming becomes sextortion: the adult threatens to publish the photos if the minor does not send more content or agree to a meeting.

Warning and Prevention Signs

Detecting grooming is difficult because it is based on secrecy.

Warning signs in a minor include: extreme secrecy with their devices (beyond the usual), spending many hours online at night, lying about who they talk to (they say "a friend from school" when it is an unknown contact), receiving gifts in the mail or having drastic mood swings (irritability, sadness) linked to cell phone use.

Prevention is based on education and supervision. Parents should teach their children to be wary of strangers on the net ("people may not be who they say they are").

They should insist on never sharing personal data, not accepting video calls from strangers and covering the computer's webcam when not in use.

The rule should be: "If a stranger contacts you, block them and inform us immediately".

Summary

Grooming is not harassment, it is a serious crime. It is the process by which an adult poses as a minor to gain the trust of a child online for the purpose of sexual abuse.

The adult follows several stages: first gaining the child's trust (love bombing), then isolating the child from his or her family, sexualizing the conversation, and finally asking for intimate images (sexting) or a meeting.

Warning signs include secrecy, lies about contacts and mood swings. Prevention relies on distrust of strangers and open communication with parents.