The Power of Saying No and Evaluating Requests

Objective evaluation of requests: value added vs. value subtracted.

To guard against exploitation, it is necessary to adopt a rigorous system of filtering any request.

When someone asks for something - be it time, money or effort - the response should not be automatic.

An objective evaluation must be made based on value: Does this action add value to my life or take it away from me? If the request brings growth, well-being or mutual satisfaction, it is accepted.

If, on the other hand, it drains energy and detracts value without providing anything in return, the answer should be negative.

There is one tricky category: "neutral" requests, which do not seem to add or subtract obvious value. In these cases, the analysis should focus on opportunity cost.

Accepting something neutral consumes an irretrievable resource: time. If performing such a task precludes engaging in activities that are valuable or important, then the request is, in fact, negative and should be rejected.

This logical decision-making framework eliminates guilt and ambiguity, providing a rational basis for denying favors that only serve the manipulator.

Maintaining self-control to avoid being instrumentalized.

The ability to say "no" is the cornerstone of self-mastery. Manipulators, especially those with narcissistic or Machiavellian traits, see people as extensions of themselves or useful tools.

Their goal is to turn the victim into a "cadet" or personal assistant whose sole function is to satisfy their needs.

Learning to refuse demands is the only way to break this dynamic of instrumentalization.

It is essential to establish these limits from the beginning of any relationship. If you give in at the beginning, you set a precedent of submission that will be difficult to reverse. A firm "no" protects one's resources and sends a message of self-respect.

By maintaining control over what and to whom effort is devoted, dignity is preserved and the building of mental toughness is co