Self-Assessment and Inner Language

The way we talk to ourselves is critical to our emotional well-being and our ability to grow.

We often fall into the trap of self-judgment, reproaching ourselves harshly for the mistakes we make.

This internal language, full of phrases such as "what a fool I was" or "I'm always wrong," leads us to a state of self-hatred, preventing us from learning from our failures.

Instead of blaming ourselves, it is crucial to develop a more constructive internal language that allows us to recognize our limitations and transform them into opportunities for development.

Avoiding moralistic judgments in our self-assessment

Inner language is connected to our self-evaluation, which is often loaded with moralistic judgments.

To break this cycle, it is vital to learn to evaluate our actions without blaming ourselves.

The key is to focus on whether or not our needs were met, rather than judging whether what we did was right or wrong.

For example, instead of saying "I am lazy for leaving home late," it is more useful to say "I don't like being late because I couldn't finish my work on time.

This form of self-evaluation helps us understand the cause and effect of our actions, without punishing ourselves for them.

The danger of self-demand

Often, we impose unrealistic self-demands on ourselves, using phrases such as "I should quit smoking" or "I need to exercise more."

This language, which is based on obligation, makes us resist, as we are not meant to live under the weight of what we "should" do.

Submitting to these self-demands takes away the joy of living, as our actions cease to arise from a voluntary contribution and become a burden.

NVC invites us to replace "I have to" with "I want to."

Instead of saying "I have to exercise," we can say "I want to exercise to feel healthier and more energetic."

The Story We Tell Ourselves

Our mind constantly tells itself a story about who we are, and this narrative often includes blame, punishment, and limiting beliefs that create suffering.

Self-assessment allows us to examine this story and decide if it needs to be changed.

To do this, we can use tools such as belief self-tracking, where we identify negative thoughts and replace them with more realistic and empowering affirmations.

The ultimate goal is to develop self-compassion, which allows us to bond affectionately with all facets of ourselves, recognizing our needs without judging ourselves.

By changing the story we tell ourselves, we can transform our lives in unique ways.

Summary

The way we talk to ourselves is crucial to our well-being. Often, we fall into the trap of self-judgment, berating ourselves for our mistakes. This leads us to hate ourselves instead of learning from our failures.

To break this cycle, we must evaluate our actions without judging them. It is better to focus on whether our needs were met rather than whether the action was good or bad. This helps us understand the cause and effect of our actions.

We must replace "I have to" with "I want to" to motivate ourselves in a more positive way. By changing the internal story we tell ourselves about who we are, we can transform our lives. Self-compassion is key.