Expectations and Conflict

Expectations, although often unconscious, are a determining factor in most conflicts.

These are assumptions about how others should act, what results should be achieved, or how one should be treated.

When these expectations are not met, frustration arises, which can lead to conflict, even if there is no malicious intent involved.

The problem is that most people do not express their expectations clearly, assuming that the other person "should know" what is expected of them.

This lack of communication creates a void that is filled with assumptions and misunderstandings, turning a small mismatch into a much bigger problem.

Uncommunicated expectations are a common cause of conflict in all areas.

In a friendship, a conflict may arise because one person expects constant contact, while the other values their autonomy and space more.

In a romantic relationship, the expectation that the other should "sensing" needs without clearly expressing them can lead to ongoing resentment.

In a work environment, misunderstandings about deadlines or responsibilities can create tension simply because they were never clarified from the start.

To avoid these pitfalls, it's critical to proactively define and communicate expectations.

This involves: Clarifying your own expectations: Before speaking to the other person, it's crucial to ask yourself, "What do I really expect from this situation or this person?"

It's important to be honest and specific with yourself.

Communicating clearly: Using what you've learned about assertive communication, specific messaging, and empathy.

Stating what is expected and why it's important, without accusing, but inviting dialogue.

Asking and confirming the other person's expectations: Communicating expectations should be a two-way street.

It's just as important to communicate what is expected as it is to ask the other person what they expect him.

Questions like "How do you think we should handle this?" or "Is there anything you need from me?" open the door for negotiation and collaboration.

Negotiate and agree: If both parties' expectations don't align, it's necessary to negotiate and find a middle ground that's realistic and functional for both.

Learning to manage expectations is one of the most effective ways to prevent conflicts.

By investing time in initial clarity, you avoid future frustrations and build healthier, stronger relationships.

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Accepting that others' expectations may be different from our own is the first step to more conscious and effective communication.

Summary

Expectations, often unconscious, are a determining factor in most conflicts. When expectations aren't met, frustration arises.

The problem is that most people don't clearly express their expectations, assuming the other person "should know." This lack of communication creates a void filled with assumptions and misunderstandings.

To avoid these pitfalls, it's crucial to proactively define and communicate expectations. This involves clarifying your own expectations, communicating them assertively, and asking the other person what they expect.