Mind Reading and Irreconcilable Differences

In the midst of a conflict, "mind-reading" and "irreconcilable differences" are two sources of tension that may seem impossible to resolve.

However, both can be addressed with strategic communication.

Mind-reading is a toxin that arises from assumptions without facts.

When one person assumes what the other thinks or feels without asking, they are "mind-reading."

This behavior makes the interaction toxic because the often negative assumption is taken as truth.

The antidote to mind-reading is to spot when you're making an assumption and verify it with the other person.

Rather than reacting to an assumption, ask with a neutral, open-ended question what's really going on.

Irreconcilable differences are disagreements that seem impossible to resolve.

Two colleagues, for example, may argue about whether should you work with music or not.

At first glance, this seems like an irreconcilable difference, as the two positions are opposites.

However, the main reason disagreements persist is that the focus is on positions rather than underlying interests.

In the music example, one underlying interest may be the need for concentration, and the other may be the need for stimulation.

By exploring interests, a creative solution may be found, such as having the person who wants music wear headphones.

The best way to detoxify this situation is to understand the other person's interests and motivati