Verbal Violence and its Manifestations

Verbal violence is a form of aggression that goes beyond shouting and insults; It manifests itself in a series of subtle and destructive patterns that shift the focus from the problem to a personal attack.

These patterns are unhelpful because they trigger defensiveness and resentment and do nothing to actually change behavior.

One of the most common patterns is condescension, which is used to belittle or make another person feel inferior.

An example might be a comment that, although it sounds like a joke, is intended to humiliate or invalidate the other person.

Another manifestation is blaming, which is used to shift responsibility for a problem onto the other person.

The blamer refuses to take responsibility for their own emotions and actions, and instead complains that the other person "made them feel" a certain way.

Criticism is another form of verbal abuse because it focuses on the person's flaws rather than the problem.

Unlike constructive feedback, which is focuses on behavior and its impact, criticism is an attack on character and only serves to damage the other person's self-esteem.

For example, saying "you always overreact" is not constructive, as it is a personal attack.

Constructive criticism, on the other hand, focuses on the problem, not the person.

Good feedback starts with an appreciation for the other person's efforts and focuses on the behavior you want to change, specifically and without labels.

For example, instead of saying "you're lazy," you could say "I noticed that the presentation didn't have the graphics we agreed on, and that has affected the project."

Constructive criticis